Kylie Ofiu

It may be cliché, but some books really do change your life.

I am not sure if it is simply a combination of events, reading other books such as The Alchemist, The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success and The Fifth Agreement or even just how far I have come personally, but I know my life has been changed.

I thought to myself one day last month I wanted to read Tuesdays with Morrie next. The very next day, while waiting to meet my ex mother in law at an op shop (she was picking up my kids to take to their dad), I was looking at books and what do you think was on the shelf for $3? Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom.

I have heard about this book for years and been told to watch the movie. I really am a reader though and it is extremely rare I prefer a movie to the book. It has been on my ‘to read one day’ list for YEARS!

I read it in 2 nights. I was so engrossed with finishing it on the second night I did not even realize my bath was cold and my skin wrinkly. I thought I would like it, but didn’t think I would get that absorbed in it.

I think part of it appealed because obviously it is life lessons, but also because I watched my mother fade away and die from cancer. I always felt she never got to ‘live her life’ because she didn’t get to travel all over the world. We did go to New Zealand as a family when I was 18 months old and we did have annual family camping trips and stuff, but I felt like she never got to live her own life. Instead, she went from being a teen to a wife/mother instantly. (My parents married when mum was 17 and dad 18. She died at 37).

As I was reading the life lessons, I realized she was happy. She wanted to be a mum. She wanted a large family. I always felt loved and admire her so much for her capacity to love, befriend and help others, to be kind, fun loving and just draw people to her. I was amazed at how many people turned out for her funeral. There was a memorial in Tasmania for her as well, which dad went to and extended family and friends from there said they could not believe how many people came. My mother lived her life and it was amazing.

Morrie made me think of my mum and the kind of person I want to be and always wanted to be, but over the years have squashed down in pursuit of financial freedom plus my own selfish goals and desires. It is great to have goals and be financially free, but it is not the be all and end all.

In Tuesdays With Morrie various things are discussed – the world, feeling sorry for yourself, regrets, death, family, emotions, the fear of aging, money, how love goes on, marriage, our culture, forgiveness and the perfect day.

As I read, I compared things to my own life, how I am living it, how I dreamed I would live it when I was younger, the sort of example I want to set for my daughters and where I have deviated from my childhood dreams of ‘my life’.

As a child/teen I planned on getting married, having a family, being a stay at home mum etc but I also planned on attending university, going on a mission for my church and looked at settling down at 26. Life didn’t quite work that way. I was married at 19, bought a house, had my first daughter when I was 21 and my second when I was 23. I never went on a mission (I am not even a member anymore) and I am a working mum. I work from home, but still I work.

I have spent a lot of my life feeling sorry for myself. Regretting past decisions, actions and events, what I did or didn’t do, tried to control things, tried to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ and so on. None of this helps anyone.

I like how Morrie talks about things in a simple ways, but very effectively. In talking about the world he discusses love. More recently I have taken to expressing my love more freely. I often didn’t tell people I loved them, other than family members. There are so many ways to love and I tell people. I think we get to scared and hung up on what others might think, or what if they don’t feel the same. You know what? I no longer care. I don’t care if they don’t love me back or love me as much as I love them. Whatever.

Love is the only rational act. ~ Levine.

If I love you, I will tell you. It doesn’t mean I am in love with you. I have never, ever been the first person in a relationship to say “I love you”, until now. Fear of rejection used to hold me back. But you can love and not be ‘in love’. There are different levels and types of love and I feel love should be expressed. If I died tomorrow I want everyone important to me to know, without a doubt that I loved them.

A lot of the topics discussed in Tuesdays With Morrie are very interlinked, because it is all about life. It is interesting though how our culture seems to teach us we have to be extremely successful, rich, wear flashy clothes, drive fast cars, live in mansions, get married at an older age, have 1 – 2 kids, but don’t give up your career, put them in childcare to keep up with your lifestyle. Then we spend a fortune on healthcare because we burn ourselves out, families fall apart, we feel sorry for ourselves, regret the past and try to fix things, but it just doesn’t work.

If we all took a moment, stepped back and looked at our lives, really thought about what we truly want, not what we think we should want, we might live differently.

I did this, back at the start of the year, and again more recently. I know exactly what I want and the dream I have been chasing the last few years is not it. I won’t share just yet what my heart really desires, but now I know what I really want I can see why I have been so unhappy much of my life. I can see why I was always chasing after my goals, why what I had was never enough. I can also see how to change and have been changing.

The freedom in letting go of those things society expects/tells us we want and instead following your own heart, living your life with and for your loved ones, knowing who you are and what you are here for is worth more than anything money could ever buy.

I probably feel more passionate than most about the books I have been reading and books like Tuesdays With Morrie because I have been through some major life events and changes over the past 12 months and have been on a journey of self discovery. I like it though. I like the passion in my life, the change in my attitude and the changes that have been occurring in my life because of it all.

Have you read Tuesdays With Morrie? What did you think? Are there any books you’ve read which have really changed you or made an impact.

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